Gratitude Friday

It's Gratitude Friday here and I have a new list- how about you? Please share what you are grateful for....

I am grateful for:

*The blessing of a blue moon on this special day
*The working furnace even if we don't need it yet

*The mysterious flat of delicious, fresh tomatoes that arrived on my doorstep

*The smiles and waves from the town folk- known and unknown- as they drive by my house

*The friendly bus driver and the fact that she is taking the children to school leaving my days more open and free

*The neighbor who talks of spirits and old times and the way things feels more than the way they look

*The river that flows constantly through our lives here

*A husband I can't get enough of and want to talk to all the time

*A mother who is supportive, creative and constantly optimistic

*Children who are kind, good hearted and smile more often than not

*The opportunity to teach locally

*The possibility of a good job for my husband

*The kind people who offer their help and support on a continual basis

*A furnace guy who teases, smiles and offers viable and creative options to heat our home

*The sale prices at Sears at a time when our fridge is on its last leg

*Hardwood floors- even ones that need refinishing- because they are beautiful

*Happy dogs

*Food to eat and bake and cook

*The local ice cream place

*A doctor covered by our insurance 

*The sense of work ethic and responsibility my son is gaining as he hays local fields with new friends

*A strong heart and pensive mind

Piecing It All Together

 I settled into the complacency of not doing anything more to this house so desperately in need of having things done. Since we aren't sure how finances will go and how we will earn a living, we have to tread carefully on what needs to be done and what we want to do.
Currently it is the question of heating for the upcoming winters months- the house is large- not To the Manor Born large- but big. So, the heating will be tricky in this colder climate and wood stoves will be necessary and- low and behold- there isn't a one to be found in this house.

So, painting and patching and all that, well, it doesn't feel as pressing.
When I recently visited a friend's 200 year old farmhouse, I was amazed. It was inspiring- 42 years of loving work was put into that house and it is gorgeous. I came home and looked around and thought "Hm, maybe I should paint a couple rooms- only a couple." And began to wonder which ones need it. Well, the ones that need it most can't have it done yet so it will have to be the ones that aren't desperate because those need drywall too. Se la vie.

So, it is about choosing the colors and shades and figuring it all out as things come up. We will get there- it may be years but we will get there.

Gratitude Fridays

There isn't enough gratitude in the world. Lots of complaints- from me too- and lots of TISU (That Is So Unfair from this post) and it made me think that perhaps a practice of taking at least one day a week to be grateful and to list those pieces in a conscious way would be good. The glass is half full, right?
So, I am proclaiming Gratitude Fridays. I welcome comments on what other people are grateful for. Spreading gratitude will change the world.

I am grateful for:

A stove that works
A house that I love and the roof it puts over our heads
My family and the love they give
My husband and the hard work he puts into keeping this whole thing moving
My dogs and the smiles and enthusiasm they bring to life every single day
My cat who has finally become a kindred spirit after about 8 years
A comfortable couch to relax on
Good books
2 fantastic drying racks and a laundry line with pulleys
My daughter's new found love of soccer
My other daughter's unique style and enthusiasm for animals, food and funky clothing
A relatively clean house
The new friends my son has found
The new friends my daughters have found
$1 movie nights at the local movie theater and a child old enough to go with friends
A big back yard
A clean river to spend time in
The people we are meeting
A loving, hard working husband who is giving up so much to provide our family with the help we need to make this happen
My mother and aunt and all the amazing work they put into to helping us
The workers who have helped fix, hook up and make good this home
The fact that there are fewer mosquitoes in the house this week than last
That we aren't reacting to the mosquitoes as much as we were before and so we no longer look like we have chicken pox
That fridge is still working at this moment
The good people who surround me in this new place

What are you grateful for?

Adjusting to the Slowness After All This Time

This may end up being a "part one" of many as I am sure there are more adjustments to be had to this slowness.
My days are different than before. There is a slowness that is delicious and seeps in without conscious effort to flow through the day and color it accordingly.

Before, in the city, I would wake up and wander into the kitchen to make food- or not- the children were pretty hip on the whole quick oatmeal front. Funny since I love old fashion oats but they liked that they could quickly prep their own oatmeal and flavor it to preference (usually honey, butter, cinnamon and a splash of vanilla extract). Then I floundered a bit, not sure where to put myself even after so many years in one lovely place. I called friends and tried to make plans - to keep busy and social. I am so social afterall.

Now, I wake up, walk down with three happy dogs around my feet- so happy at the prospect of right now and life- period- to let them out. I gaze at the yard and our little woods and the river and shake my head in wonder- this little parcel of land with everything that was on our wish list back when we were trying to manifest this that people thought was impossible.
Then I put the kettle on and some oatmeal with raisins and almonds- all organic from my thoughtful mother who made sure my cupboard, freezer and refrigerator were full when we arrived- with all my favorite foods (can you say 8 packages of breakfast sausage??!) and look around at this house to see where my efforts will be best used for the day. I know, it has only been a couple weeks but it feels new and fresh with wonder every day- and old and worn in with love from us and others- all at once. I know this place and my heart is settling in to what is- this house is alive and it speaks with love everyday to everyone who crosses the threshold.

I give the dogs their food on the back deck- following the pack order carefully so that there is no confusion- and then the cat wanders up to cuddle and I give her her bowl.
This morning I cleaned the stove- the big gas range that happened to arrive with the house and thought,  "Thank you for this stove- it serves us well, thank you."
I opened the fridge to retrieve milk for the tea and remembered the dairies I had driven past with the same image from the carton in my hand on the side of the barns and smiled that I had seen those cows in the fields and barns.

  

I let the dogs in and watched them wag their tails and smile at me- they do that you know- dogs smile a lot- like dolphins-- some species on this planet just have it down pat. Don't we all need more smile lines?

Then the children started coming down and the oatmeal was self served and we talked about the rest of the day- the visit to the middle school for a tour and to meet the cool principal in person (someone who was talking astrology with me within 10 minutes of our initial phone conversation), errands to run including grabbing hotdogs for a bonfire in the back later today.

And through all this there is no urgency- no feeling that I am being pressured to move faster. The funniest part is that I didn't know that I was feeling the urgency to move faster than my natural pace before now- before the urgency fell away. But I understand this now.
I understand that without meaning to there was an energy of constant motion and constant needs that should be met but the origin of those needs were so ancient and old that they were almost unidentifiable. So, I answered them by thinking that I must go out and do and earn money and buy things and purchase a life that looked right and full- though anyone will tell you I am not a big spender at all.

But there was a drive to fill a hole somewhere deep inside and now, as I remember the depth of that dark night sky full of stars, uninterrupted by city lights that we saw last night from the back deck. And I wonder at the shooting star we saw blaze across the blackness. And as we watched those bats dipping and diving for mosquitoes (another thank you), I realized that the hole in me was filled by the presence of the natural world around me. That ache that was so present that it looked like so may other things and was therefore never full, was suddenly less, only a whisper, as it was soothed.
I wonder how many ailments we have that would be healed by moving into nature, settling into the country and quiet and looking up at that night sky.

Would we find ourselves in the rustle of the leaves?
In the sway of the grass in the fields?
In the flow of the water of oceans and rivers?
Would we see ourselves and the star dust we are made of up in the dome of that infinite black sky?
I don't know about you but I'm up for the journey to self and I can only wonder how we got so far from ourselves and all the soil, leaves, stars and dew drops we came from.

These Are NOT the Cartoons of My Childhood

I don't know how many people have noticed how different cartoons are now but I have- on those few times we have seen them. In fact, I am disturbed when I have had the misfortune to watch them. Since when does Velma and Shaggy get crushes and kiss each other? What is that craziness? And when did the Smurfs start swearing- granted "smurfity smurf smurf and smurf" isn't cussing but it is close enough.-- Not that I am opposed to swearing in certain circumstances but still- it's a Smurf for goodness sake! Where's the innocence?

I'm going to date myself here but when I was a kid it was the Saturday morning cartoons on USA network- only for that one year my mom let us watch once in a while. The Grape Grape Ape was a favorite and the Smurfs, HeMan, She-Ra, My Little Pony and Rainbow Bright. All those old shows- not to mention the Flintstones, the Jetsons and others. Back when they were not digital and computerized. But now, it seems they can just bang them out without much thought or enthusiasm and though we don't even an own a tv, it is frustrating that on the rare occasions we want to watch an old cartoon of sorts, they are hard to find.

It's like the newer Nancy Drew and Hardy Boy books they brought out when I was a teen in hopes of catering to the new generation- a presumably less innocent generation by the books in that series I read. Suddenly, the Hardy Boys were toting machine guns (well, maybe not quite but it was close) and then there was the one book where Nancy makes out with one of the Hardy Boys. Where did that come from?? Is this perhaps a time when a sequel or spin off is a bad idea? I would have to vote yes on that one.

And as silly as it seems it kind of speaks to the fast pace we keep in this day and age- everything faster, more "convenient"-- and quality so often is left behind. Now, mind you, I am not saying cartoons are particularly quality but there is something to be said about the old Flintstones, the Jetsons and the like- there was this feeling that someone really put a lot into it- they drew them, wrote them and designed them. They were homemade cookies and now- well, now they are store bought and it's just sort of a sad thing.
I'm just not so into the store bought cookies and the various forms they take these days.

The Creatures That Live Here

There are so many furry friends around here- the 30 odd cats next door, the cows, the horses and neighborhood dogs.

Our own lovely dogs (including our new addition who had been awaiting a home for about 3 weeks at a local shelter before we happened upon each other- more on that later) bask in the glow of a giant fenced yard where they can run and leap, a river at the edge of this wonderland, a big house and plenty of people hugging, petting, cuddling and feeding them all day long. The guinea pigs who weet and eat and weet and eat and get fawned over all the time. The cat, suddenly restricted to the indoors, is being loved on and massaged and getting almost annoyed by all the attention she receives. She deals with it rather well by going upstairs to the bathroom and getting stoned (catnip style) and sleeping on the window seat where she can occasionally open an eye and glance out the window. She's such a stoner.

I am certainly an animal person but I fall into the dog-person category if pressed to make a choice. Which is not to say that I don't sincerely love cats and all sorts of other animals. I find that it happens to many people - this strange preference for either dogs or cats-- though I don't run into many people who are opposed to a particular species.

The idea of all the chicks, ducklings, goslings, goats, possible piglets and so much more headed our way makes me quake with joyful anticipation and fills my heart.

But right now, we are cuddling our dogs and cat and befriending the human and animal beings around us and reveling the goodness around us. What a world to live in....

Those Modern Gadgets- Like Dryers & Dishwashers

For the first couple weeks we didn't have a washing machine and we trekked down to the laundromat and made do. The water was being tested so we used bottle water to brush our teeth and drink and make food. No dryer. No dishwasher. No washing machine. No tap water.
So much of those modern conveniences are part of our daily lives that without them, it is challenging. But of course, they weren't always there. There was time not that long ago in history when these things did not exist.

When I was a teenager I used to tell my mother that I when I graduated high school I would go and live in the little shack that rested at the top of a hill surrounded by herds of sheep. I said that I would live there without water and electricity by myself and learn what it was like- learn about the old ways of doing things.
But I didn't. I didn't pursue it. I lived in a renovated barn loft and then an apartment but never a little shack without all those conveniences.

Here, we lived without for about 2 weeks and got used to it rather quickly. We developed the habits around the little missing pieces so when the tap water came back clean it was odd to know we could drink it and use it. When the washer was hooked up we were elated to do it right there in the house- can you imagine?? The dishwasher was all hooked up but ended up being broken and the dryer is expensive to connect so we may wait on that considering the issue of the refridgerator's odd behavior and possible demise.

It is all such an adventure with so much to consider and so much adjusting and yet it is simple. It is simple to fill the small tub with soapy water and wash the dishes by hand and then rinse them off. It is simple to hang the laundry up on the giant and wonderful drying rack my mother gave me. It is simple to take the time to do things with a slower pace and more consciousness. But how often do we really take that time?

I'm Guessing That "Pig Scramble" Doesn't Have Anything to do With Breakfast Sausage

Oh the Pig Scramble- seriously- I hadn't ever heard of such a thing but how can you resist? Children in a corral with piglets and if they catch one they take it home? I hope the piggies won't be too terrified- it can't be a nice thing to have happen but still there is something simple about it. The kids can't wait to check that out.
We seem to have stumbled upon the land of Agricultural Fairs- seriously. I am sure I will learn to keep them straight but they seem to start about May and run until at least October. I can't wait to see how they all turn out- I wonder whether we will like one above all else or whether they will seem similar to each other?

It is a good place to make connections to people in the area and hear about orchards and farms- so many resources. The thing about this place and is the way things are coming in as the universe twists and turns and challenges and answers.-- The electrician who doesn't do computers and isn't online is stumbled upon on some website where he comes highly recommended only to discover he is excellent and kind and a wealth of information, connecting us to the plumber, the lawn care guy and so much more.
Then there is the lawn care fellow who told us about the fairs and which vet is great to work with in the area. From there we connect outward, finding the little points where things cross over and all those tiny x's that mark the spot-- and here we are hearing more and more about the wealth around us. Real, true wealth- the kind that life is truly about. The kind that doesn't involve money.

These fairs are remarkable and the children who show up at our door ready to play and laugh, tell of when they caught a pig at the fair and took it home and how fun it was. Of course, without a barn that is not going to happen with us- it will be Spring before we have animals. And then of course there are the stories of the fairs and the rides and the races and the cows and the chickens and everything in between.
These children are country folk and have so much to offer. The boy newly friending my son grabbed a ladder and climbed right up to mend the laundry line when it collapsed suddenly after I had hung out 3 loads in an effort to stay on top of things (we don't have a dryer) and then told us about when he went to the state competition for pie baking. Another offered to come over and help him with chores - both of them stating the importance of a good work ethic and hard work- and promising to help him find a job since that is important.

I shook my head and smiled and there was teasing (gently of course) that they could teach him a thing or two about work ethic. He smiled and nodded looking slightly chagrined. But I watched these last few days and whenever a chore was in order those boys kept him in line saying, "Uh, you shouldn't stop puttin' those dishes away to talk- your mom told you to do a job." All in a good-natured tone and with smiles on their faces.
There are pig scrambles here and croquet and tag and fishing and walks in literally 10,000 acres of woods and old chicken barns. This is the country life and I find the adjustment fascinating. So, next month, I'm going to a fair with pig scramble and we will see what this is all about.

And They're Coming Around, He's in the Lead!

We attended a big state fair recently and the children watched a race- a horse race. It wasn't with riders on the backs but it was with carts and they were fascinated. We watched them practice and began to see who was connected and close to their horse and enjoying the animal/human connection and who was driving the horse like a beast.
The look on their faces, their stance in the rig and just the energy around each horse and driver said so much. And my eldest daughter turned as the announcer ran through the fast talking description of the racers when they set off and said, "I don't get it- are they auctioning them?" I laughed realizing that he sounded quite a lot like an auctioneer and explained that no- he was the announcer and it was a race so he had to speak quickly. With all the seniors around dressed up a bit, I wondered what this looked like 50 years ago- 80 years ago. You could taste the nostalgia in the air and it made my skin prick with anticipation.

Then we visited the barns where we watched the care and connection put into the 4H dairy cattle show. It was wonderful. Again that connection between humans and animals and how much connection we can have- or not- as the case may be. I fell in love with a cow there- I really did- a smoky grey Brown Swiss who was a few months old at most and sweet as frosting on a cake. I wanted to load her into the minivan and take her home. But I didn't.
There was also the horse pull which we could only tolerate for about 30 seconds before we had to walk away feeling slightly ill. I have been around horses for a good chunk of my adolescence and the treatment the horses received by the man in the ring made my stomach roll. My son walked away and said it was awful and the girls were upset at seeing the struggle and hard work the horses put in while the man behind them cursed and yelled and hit them with the end of the reins.

Thank goodness that cattle show helped renew our faith in the human-animal connection as we watched the boys and girls bring their calves and cows around and around while the judge worked hard to make a decision.
This event only drilled home even more the need for our own barn and some 4H animals- a real homestead. So I drew up a plan and submitted my application for the pole barn we want to build in the Spring-- and brought it to Town Hall. I attended the city planning board meeting in case they had questions and waited to see what they would decide- they teased me a bit in the neighborly good-natured way they have in this wonderful place and then- BAM- they approved it with big grins.

We are on the way.

Suddenly, I find myself wondering what animals souls will find their way to us- what will their names be and what personalities they will have?-- the ducks, the chickens, the geese- the goats and, possibly, a pig. Who knows? I can only hope and dream and manifest and cuddle my kids in close.

Oh the Lists and Lists

We have been so busy here- so busy in fact, that stealing time to write was near impossible. I was face down at around midnight most days after hauling and moving furniture and unpacking and rearranging-- but without having written about it all.
The boxes that arrived a week ago were sitting in the entry-- and in the bedrooms and in the hallways  --and the house needed the contents of those boxes to help ease it into home mode. It took a bit of doing but the girls rooms were done within a day or so of the boxes and then my son's. Then we worked on the common rooms- the front yoga/dance/stretching room, the living room and the dining room- the last two having swapped places since we moved in.

I began to feel despair when I saw all those stacks and it felt like no matter how much I unpacked and no matter how much I had given away, I still had so much. So much. This house is so large and spacious but finding a home for my art and craft supplies has been remarkably difficult so it is still tucked away in boxes while I orient myself and figure out how to maneuver the new issues of making space in so much space. I am used to making space within a small space to do so within a large one feels like a bigger challenge.

My mother and I worked hard on creating that feeling of home that we both thrive on and it wasn't until last night at around 11:30pm that I had an official bedroom space. It has been that difficult limbo stage for far too long- most of the craft and art supplies was in my bedroom and what is in reality a large room, felt tiny and cramped. But no longer- now I can sit in a room that asked to be sat in and be in the space with joy- and exhaustion- but still joy.
So, now I can find that elusive time to write again and I wanted to send the gratitude I feel for all of the hard work and kindness that has been heading my way.

The Radio Silence

I have been so busy recently, with the boxes and the organizing and days that don't hold enough hours-- and at the end, I fall into bed and am too tired to function. So, there have been a couple days of radio silence here and I apologize for that.
I also haven't had time to upload photos- or take new ones. So as this adventure unfolds, I am trying to find the space to write which is so important for my piece of mind and processing all that is happening -- and just share the thoughts and adventures here for anyone who wants to read about them.

Things are afoot - I have more than a few pieces of clothing now and there's a rumor that I might have a washing machine and dishwasher tomorrow- ah, the luxury!!
So many things to keep track of and to do with the children- like watching their first horse race- that was amazing and I will be getting those photos up soon! There is more to come- isn't there always??

The People In This Place

Barbara Kingsolver once wrote that you don't buy a house but the land it sits on- the house is transitory. I understand that-- though houses are like souls to me and I also buy for the house though I can see why the land, forever there, is so important and can so easily trump the house that sits on it.
I feel that way about places too. A town could be as pretty as could be but if the people are haughty or rude or dispassionate, well, then why linger there for long? If a town is ragged around the edges and perhaps not quite the pretty little place it could be but the people are kind and friendly and full of good heart and soul, well, that would be a place to settle in and really live. You don't go just for the way the town looks, the people are what make it up.

I moved from a city that was full of wonderful people. Granted, there was a tendency among some of the populace to embrace the "hipster" movement which was pretty hard to handle at times. -- But there were remarkable people drawn into that city, living out their lives and dreams and I was lucky enough to know them and share some of this remarkable life with them.-- And then I moved and wondered who would be waiting on the other end.
I have yet to fully explore the local populace but I have been so cheered by the good souls I have met so far. The neighbors were friendly and helpful from the first day- one even hugging me, so happy to have met us. Then there was the man who helped with our jungle of a property by bringing in his equipment to mow- friendly, well traveled, cheerful, liberal and (bless my lucky stars!) an old hippy. Next was the plumber, one of those quiet men who bring comfort and calm and the few words they speak are easy and mellow- he is a gem. And then, the electrician, kind, funny, full of good information and ready to show up if I need anything at anytime- with his handgun at the ready if necessary (this last was startling but comforting at the same time- something I never would have guessed).

All of them good hearted and honest- and, small towns being what they are, we have discovered that they know everyone and there seem to be a lot of cousin connections going on from all directions. So, far, what I was afraid was going to be the "boondocks" are, in fact, far from it- there is internet and cell phones and all the latest and newest. But I have stepped into a place where things are slower. The people rely on each other and live what seems so far, to be a slower and simpler life and though I haven't yet settled, I can see how one might slip into a life of simplicity here and I am ready for that.

Yes, Well, That Would Be the Well

This old house is old- it is older than my grandmother and was probably built around when my grandmother's mother was about to enter this world or maybe just after she arrived. Yep, it's getting along in years and I am so in love that I can't stand it.
There are stories here- so many of them and so many little questions that are lurking. When exactly was it built? Who built it and why? Was there a maid that traveled up and down those back stairs and who was she? Were there many children born here? Were there many who grew up here? Did they love this house too? Did it smile at them and revel in the life that filled its walls?
I wonder these things as I walk through it and try to focus on these bigger things when smaller issue appeal. Like when we lost water one morning.

When I say "lost", I mean that we had water- and then we didn't. Suddenly, the pressure dropped and a visit to the basement showed us that the water pressure was well below 10 when it should have been more like 50. Hm.
Well, we can't be without water- that would not be good. So, we called up the sweet kind soul who is our plumber- the kind of man you want to have as a neighbor, uncle and possibly grandparent- and he came over within about 10 minutes.
We hauled the top off and looked down into the original well over 100 year old well- it was beautiful. The stones stacked on top of each other and you could easily imagine the bucket that was once lowered down it to get the fresh water below. They had put a new well inside of the old one making good use of a deep, full well and it was updated with a new pump.

One by one we checked off the possible reasons for the lack of water- low water in the well. Nope. Bad pump. Nope. Clog in the line. Nope. Finally we found the issue, a small issue with the wires in the pump that were fixed in 10 minutes and just like that we were back online and the water was running well. No pun intended.
This just brought more questions to mind: Who fetched the water? Who dug the well? Did they make tea every afternoon and hum to themselves as they hung laundry out? Did they love this house and the land it sits on?
So many questions.

And Then We Went Exploring

We decided to explore. We loaded the children into the car and headed to the coast- only a short jaunt away and before we knew it- we were there. In fact, we seemed to have gone back in time. The town was small, not too touristy and still a working sea village with fisherman and boats but it was clean and welcoming- It was almost out of book.

We parked and walked, breathing in the fresh sea air and listening to the gulls and the children ran over the rocks and to the sand to let the incoming tide lap at their toes and then their ankles while they yelled and whooped and found tiny shells and stones. I watched and walked on marveling at it all- remembering pieces of my childhood. It was haunting in a truly delightful and startling way.

I stood there not sure whether any of it was real and felt a surge of gratitude that almost took me down on to my knees in the grass.

I saw the seaweed and remembered the low tide when I was little and the way the seaweed felt and smelled and how we would use it to wrap the mussels up or look through it for tiny crabs. Sometimes we would find a mussel and open it, using the meat on the end of a hook and line to catch crab- lowering the bait down into the waters as we knelt on the rocks above and waited until we felt the gentle tug of the crab and then carefully, so carefully, we would bring the line up and catch the crab and put it in a tide pool while we squealed and went back for more. Sometimes we would have 20 or more before we would gather them up and let them all go- the excitement of having caught them being far superior to anything else. And to get to the rocks where we crabbed, there were the rose bushes. Though I am sure they had roses at points in the year, I only remember the rose hips and how, one year, my younger cousin took them and mashed them with sea water and told me she had made a potion, a perfume for us to wear so we could be fairies. Who knew you could miss seaweed like that? That the very sight of it would bring back all of this and then you turn and there are the rose hips- and you are suddenly six years old and are overrun with wonder at the world around you. That must be what a soul retrieval feels like at the end- finding that little piece that was missing- the piece you didn't know was missing until you saw it and picked it back up and put it back where it belonged. 

I watched my children, their toes wet in the ocean of my youth and smiled. They pocketed shells while I pocketed a lost piece of myself.
I can only wonder what kinds of adventures are in store for us. Crabbing? Maybe. Fishing? That's already started. So many possibilities and I hold so much hope that they will be full of love and wonder.

Will they grow to love this ocean?- Down to the very seaweed that hangs like decoration from the rocks? With they stay or travel? Will they find a place they know to be home?
Will they walk past rose hips one day and remember this time and smile as a piece of themselves slides back into place?