Mom- You Don't Get It!

With four children in the house, you bet I hear those words a lot. They're said with emphasis on  "Mom" which is drawn out into a two syllable word in an exasperated tone.

"Mo--om, you don't get it! I'm the only one!"

Now, with that one phrase you can insert so many endings:
"the only one":

-without a cell phone
-without my own laptop
-without unlimited computer and email use
-who doesn't have an airsoft gun
-who isn't allowed to walk into town by themselves
-who doesn't play video games (you may remember that conversation from this post)
-who doesn't get to be on Facebook all the time
-and, a personal favorite because it was said in these particular words just the other day, "who doesn't get to watch graphically violent movies and play graphically violent video games."
Yes, that is an actual direct quote.

First off, I'd like to give a shout out to my son's superb vocabulary and use of the English language. He speaks so well and clearly- even if we are butting heads. And second I want to say:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Now, that that's out of the way, I can say, that it is so hard to tow the line between our current society and culture's obsession with being constantly connected to technology and our family's belief that we don't need to be- even as we struggle with the reality that we feel the draw.
Since my husband and I were both raised without telly and video games, we both feel that strange pull that a forbidden thing can hold. For me it was always television and Lucky Charms.
I know, right?
But I was the kid eating homemade granola and fresh made yoghurt while the other kids were horking down Twinkies and Lucky Charms every day. So, when I finally moved out to live on my own, I found myself in the cereal aisle staring down the Lucky Charms, a mixture of severe craving, guilt and drool taking over.
I bought a box and some milk and went home -and ate until there was nothing left. Yes, disgusting, I know- but I loved them- every single bite.

I was the only one who ate homemade bread and natural peanut butter and homemade apple butter.
I was the only one with wool tights and long johns while other children wore t-shirts in the dead of winter.
I was the only one who wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing when it came out (when I was still in grammar school).
I was the only one who made all the Christmas gifts for their family every single year while everyone else got to buy them.
I was the only one who wasn't allowed to watch television every day after school and all weekend. And, I was the only one who only knew what Mario Bros looked like only because I had seen pictures but never actually played.
Even in high school- I was the only one.

Of course I wasn't the only one- but it felt like it. Sometimes that uniqueness feels painful and lonely. But we aren't really alone. There is always someone in our tribe- unique and not quite in the flow of the main stream- slipping slowly along on an entirely different eddy than everyone else. We do find each other, eventually- all those people who feel so alone. And, if we make the time and space, we will also find a common ground with the diversity of people around us.

So, when my children come in that door wailing about how unfair it is that they are the only ones without all these gadgets and gizmos and privileges, sometimes I try to have them count their blessings but mostly, I let them rant it out. Because they are feeling their own uniqueness and that feeling of being the only one is a most exquisite feeling and so often is masked by a sense of loneliness.

So I will say to them:
"Yes, you are the only one - the only one of you, right now, in this moment, on this planet, right now. You are the only one-- and you're not.
"I know I seem like I don't get it but I do. I remember so many of these things and I am trying to find my way through this guidance role I have taken on with the stars and my gut to guide me. Your tribe will come- part of it is already here- and more will come, you will call them in without even realizing it and when you do, you can say, 'You weren't allowed to play graphically violent video games, either!?? I thought I was the only one.' in complete astonishment as they say, 'Nope. Funny, all this time, I thought I was the only one.'
"And you can laugh.
"You are never alone. Unique, yes- but never alone.-- and no, you still can't have a cell phone."