The Moments in Between

It is my belief that the moments in between are what tell our stories in a way that the bigger, flashier moments can't quite grasp- A formation of clouds brief and fleeting against a startling blue sky.

A small waterfall, flowing over rock and moss, snow and ice as the earth awakens.

 An indoor garden, the plants lovingly tucked into the soil of their new home (just like us).

These are where we tell our stories, in these small moments that give way to hope and to what my mother calls the little thank yous everywhere. It begs us to ask ourselves what our moments in between look like.....

In Search of Magic Moments

It has been a long time since I posted anything here and anyone who followed the older posts knows that there was struggle here in this new place as we adjusted and readjusted. I am hesitant to take on something that I may struggle to maintain but the amount of inspiration I feel these days seeks to inspire others if only with words or a photo.

Perhaps, life without struggle is far less creative, I can only imagine it is. This has forced new growth and abundance that I could only have dreamed of. In the face of the challenges we have come across, I have bent and wavered, fallen and gotten up, hoped and cried and found that time after time I belong right where I am, though I am not always sure why this is. I sit in gratitude most days in awe that all that has happened.

There have been mounds of art made and a multitude of new undertakings. There are new farm animals and pets (we said goodbye to some of our furry family members last summer after two car accidents). There is now a barn with color and life and murals that has stopped traffic and brought  smiles. There is an enclosed porch to bask in as the weather finally begins to warm in this northern place and the greenhouse awaits the seeds we have set aside for the garden.

So much has changed. So much has stayed the same and so much gratitude is to be found in the moments of each and every day......

Oh Those Kids- What's a Girl to Do?

As some may recall, one of my favorite parts of moving to land to homestead was that I could, once again, keep goats- my favorites being Nubians with their gentle playfulness and their giant floppy ears.

Without a barn, things were pushed back for the spring and summer but I still had dreams.-- Well, that was the original plan until we realized that the barn might not be up until August (hopefully way before then) and the poison ivy by the river and other brush would be up and well established- and probably procreating- by then and we needed goats to get ahead of that.

So, we started looking- we figured that if we found one early, we could build a temporary goat shelter out of the numerous pallets we have been collecting for our eco-barn and use tarps to wrap it up nice and wind proof- not pretty but workable.

Looking for a goat without spending well over $100 is pretty challenging. It really is. I thought we could find a free or very cheaply priced goat that was healthy, easily, but everyone scooped them up - if there were any- before we reached the ad. That is, until we saw a small ad on a local website that listed a wether who would be ready when he weaned from his mother in a couple months. We jumped and two days later were cuddling the little fella and saying "Yes please!" to the kind farmer and his family.

I asked all the questions about CAE & CL and worming and shots and all the technicalities that goat keepers keep track of. The buck was sweet as was the doe (these being the parents) and our little guy- he just wanted to be held and cuddled- and to nurse, of course. So, we rejoiced as we headed home, leaving him behind in the pin with his sister and mother. We had 2 months to build a shelter and find a companion for him- you can't have just one- they are very social-- so we made plans. We laid out the goat pen and designed the pallet moveable shelter and then we looked for a companion.

We started looking again but this time, thinking that if we could find a doe, this one with good milk line, we could wait to breed her and then we could have fresh milk and make cheese again. But finding a doe- let alone a Nubian- was not only challenging but expensive (oh that elusive money!) and then WHAM! I saw her one evening online (thank you Craig's List)- she was darling and so I called- and she was reserved. I left my number, just in case, and then, the following day in the midst of inventory building, I got a call saying "If you want her, come and get her."

I have never raised a bottle-fed baby of any sort, being a staunch supporter of extended breastfeeding and natural parenting, so it is odd that I would adopt a goat of only 4 days old who would be nursing on her mother (if left to do as nature intended) for another 2 months, at least. But I knew that if I didn't take her, someone else would. Frantic and suddenly terrified, I called my husband. There wasn't even a moment of hesitation as he gave me a big "What are you waiting for- go get her! We'll make it work!" and I was off like a shooting star- with a laundry basket by my side.

And so, there is one waiting with his mother on a farm not too far away- for the day he will join us here. We plan visits with him at least once a week if not more.- And there is one leaping and bounding in our kitchen and following us around as she gets used to these smooth floors and bleats to us when she doesn't know where we are (goodness forbid that we would dare to visit the bathroom!). She plays with the cats and drinks from a beer bottle (what a lush!) with a nipple on the end.

And us? Well, as things fall into place and we wait for things to settle in, we are doing fine, taking each moment in with gratitude and playing with our cats, our dogs, our guinea pigs and our goats- as we make soup, beans and rice and play board games or tell stories (and write them!). I am thanking the Universe for this cornucopia of gifts and finding peace and trying to practice trust in this path we are on. Certainly something spectacular is happening and all will be well, I just have to trust in this divine path......

Making Do With What You've Got

I'm sure you've heard that one before. But it takes on so many new meanings throughout life. With our change of location came a serious (and, admittedly, scary) change of finances. And that certainly forces creativity on a new level. Where, before, it was fun and funded (mostly), now it is a find and make art situation.
The project I recently faced was a revamp of the kitchen. We hadn't really organized it- 7 months ago when the moving truck showed up, I sort of unpacked and shoved things around. Then, when the hubby arrived, I waited for him to make it into what he needed- since he is the chef. But a few days ago, I got the itch- a serious itch. So I unloaded everything and started fresh- with the help of a new soul friend egging me on and hauling butt on those cupboards.

With drawers and cupboard re-organized, I looked at the drawer, once the holder of all things silverware, newly organized with my overstock tea (yes, I have an addiction- can you ever have enough tea?) and then to the counter- now full of homeless silverware.
I wanted to do something creative, something that was both practical and funky. So, I pulled some cans from my recent obsession with coconut milk banana shakes and washed them thoroughly and hammered down any sharp edges.
And then, you'll never guess-- then, I pulled out Mod Podge and fabric- I know-- GASP!! I bet you didn't see that one coming- Hehehehehehe. And I sat down and decoupaged them. I cut out a little fabric spoon, fork and knife and put those on the cans so that they were "labeled" and then I let them dry. And when they were, I loaded them and put them on the counter (which still has it's characteristic squeak because it still isn't properly attached- we'll get there) and just like that my kitchen had some funky matching action.

Next up? Well, a pot rack I designed- designed with desperation and some serious form meets function action- well, I hope- we haven't made it yet- but I see it in my head- that counts, doesn't it?
Did I mention we are also busy drawing property layouts for this little farmlette? Where will the garden go? Where will the barn? What about the berries and grapes? And the orchard?
 Oh there are things to be done!

Playing Games

We don't have a tv- so there isn't cable to contend with our time. We do, however, have a computer and that can be just as attractive to the human mind. We occasionally watch a show or movie but we have quite the collection of games. A lot of them are games that many families have and some are games that we have found at thrift stores and never heard of or seen before and cannot find online- those are always a blast!
In our old life, in the city, there was a store that was all about games- not video games- not computer games- actual games with boards and cards and all that fun stuff. And this wonderful store, rented games- just like a movie store. For $3 you could rent a board game or card game to try it out for about 3 or 4 days to see what you thought of it.
Seriously, brilliant!

Just imagine- you see a game you think looks good but you just don't know whether it is worth the investment because you haven't ever played it so this store let you try it out first. And, to top that off, the rental feel went towards the purchase if you decided that you did, in fact, like it and wanted your own copy.
We thought this was pretty ingenious.

Well, we did rent:

*Oh Gnome You Don't
*Forbidden Island
*Dominion
*DixIt Odyssey
*Telestrations (3 times!)

and many others that I have quite forgotten the names of. We have a couple of them now and are hoping to save up some day for some of the others.
But for now, I must say that Telestrations is one of the most loved games we have played. A little Pictionary type action and that loved game of "Telephone" we all played as kids and WHAM! you are on the floor laughing.
Basically, you have a dry erase notepad and a marker, as does everyone else and you each start off with a secret word that no one else knows. Now, depending on how many people are playing, you either pass or draw a picture of the secret word yourself. Then you pass it on and the next person doesn't get to see the secret word, only the drawing and they have to guess what it is. Once they make their guess and write it on the new page, they pass it and the next person can only see the words that the previous person wrote and then the new person turns to a clean page and draws a picture from the guess of the previous person. When you get your own notepad back, you take turns reading from the beginning and how your secret word morphed and changed- or not.

I know I sound confusing but it is a blast.
The other night, we had a bunch of rounds and I thought, "What the heck, I'll take some photos because that one is pretty funny."

The Power of Birthday Wishes

I have been wondering recently about the power of a birthday wish.
Here is this special day when someone entered into this plane on this planet and with all that behind it, the wishes seem particularly potent.
I've wished for so many things that seem to come about most often when they are birthday wishes- look at this past year when I wished for a small piece of land with an amazing house and WHAM! There it was, falling into place.
It makes me wonder how often we utilize our powers of manifestation and how often we don't. How often do we plant little seeds of "can't" and "won't" and "don't" along with "I wish" or "I will" or "I could"?
"I could start a business." but inside there is a little "Well, maybe- if you have time and if people decide they want what you make." or you might say "I will move this year." but with that comes a little bit of "Yeah, if you can find a job and an affordable place. Maybe."
But I don't know how much time we actually spend just dream something into fruition and reality. How often do we just sit with our dreams and trace the path to attainment?

At least for me, it isn't very often. I mostly find myself doing the "Well maybe but so many things can go wrong. We do live in a litigious society." or "No one is going to buy that." or, more commonly, "You can't- it just won't work for you."
There seems to be this piece in the back our minds that only comes forward long enough to shoot ourselves in the foot with "reality" and "logic" before retreating with an "I told you so" just as things start to fall apart.
But that birthday wish- the unadulterated wishing that children do on a star or an eye lash - the kind that asks for a horse or to be an astronaut or some crazy sought after toy. That is the kind of wish that can start the ball rolling, and, perhaps, if we let it, it will blossom into something more. Perhaps, we won't wake up to find a unicorn nuzzling our hair but perhaps something else will come-  something that adds up to that thing we are so wishing for.
We just won't know until we relearn the art of wishing and hoping with child-like abandon and enthusiasm.....

Mom- You Don't Get It!

With four children in the house, you bet I hear those words a lot. They're said with emphasis on  "Mom" which is drawn out into a two syllable word in an exasperated tone.

"Mo--om, you don't get it! I'm the only one!"

Now, with that one phrase you can insert so many endings:
"the only one":

-without a cell phone
-without my own laptop
-without unlimited computer and email use
-who doesn't have an airsoft gun
-who isn't allowed to walk into town by themselves
-who doesn't play video games (you may remember that conversation from this post)
-who doesn't get to be on Facebook all the time
-and, a personal favorite because it was said in these particular words just the other day, "who doesn't get to watch graphically violent movies and play graphically violent video games."
Yes, that is an actual direct quote.

First off, I'd like to give a shout out to my son's superb vocabulary and use of the English language. He speaks so well and clearly- even if we are butting heads. And second I want to say:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Now, that that's out of the way, I can say, that it is so hard to tow the line between our current society and culture's obsession with being constantly connected to technology and our family's belief that we don't need to be- even as we struggle with the reality that we feel the draw.
Since my husband and I were both raised without telly and video games, we both feel that strange pull that a forbidden thing can hold. For me it was always television and Lucky Charms.
I know, right?
But I was the kid eating homemade granola and fresh made yoghurt while the other kids were horking down Twinkies and Lucky Charms every day. So, when I finally moved out to live on my own, I found myself in the cereal aisle staring down the Lucky Charms, a mixture of severe craving, guilt and drool taking over.
I bought a box and some milk and went home -and ate until there was nothing left. Yes, disgusting, I know- but I loved them- every single bite.

I was the only one who ate homemade bread and natural peanut butter and homemade apple butter.
I was the only one with wool tights and long johns while other children wore t-shirts in the dead of winter.
I was the only one who wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing when it came out (when I was still in grammar school).
I was the only one who made all the Christmas gifts for their family every single year while everyone else got to buy them.
I was the only one who wasn't allowed to watch television every day after school and all weekend. And, I was the only one who only knew what Mario Bros looked like only because I had seen pictures but never actually played.
Even in high school- I was the only one.

Of course I wasn't the only one- but it felt like it. Sometimes that uniqueness feels painful and lonely. But we aren't really alone. There is always someone in our tribe- unique and not quite in the flow of the main stream- slipping slowly along on an entirely different eddy than everyone else. We do find each other, eventually- all those people who feel so alone. And, if we make the time and space, we will also find a common ground with the diversity of people around us.

So, when my children come in that door wailing about how unfair it is that they are the only ones without all these gadgets and gizmos and privileges, sometimes I try to have them count their blessings but mostly, I let them rant it out. Because they are feeling their own uniqueness and that feeling of being the only one is a most exquisite feeling and so often is masked by a sense of loneliness.

So I will say to them:
"Yes, you are the only one - the only one of you, right now, in this moment, on this planet, right now. You are the only one-- and you're not.
"I know I seem like I don't get it but I do. I remember so many of these things and I am trying to find my way through this guidance role I have taken on with the stars and my gut to guide me. Your tribe will come- part of it is already here- and more will come, you will call them in without even realizing it and when you do, you can say, 'You weren't allowed to play graphically violent video games, either!?? I thought I was the only one.' in complete astonishment as they say, 'Nope. Funny, all this time, I thought I was the only one.'
"And you can laugh.
"You are never alone. Unique, yes- but never alone.-- and no, you still can't have a cell phone."